my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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