They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
