He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
