My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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