If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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