just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
