Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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