one two three fourrrrnication!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
