I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
