I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
