If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
