So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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