my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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