I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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