My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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