im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
