My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
