worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
