Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
