I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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