she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
