Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
