how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
