Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
