He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
