my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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