If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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