Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
