NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
