we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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