don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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