Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
