I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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