I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Please don't give away my fajitas
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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