no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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