im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
