Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize