I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
