I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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