Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
