Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
