There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
