Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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