Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
