she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
