So drunk its hurt
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
