Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
