I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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