So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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