TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
