Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
