So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
