I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
