NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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