i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
