well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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