I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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