Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
