I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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