Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
