Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
