So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
