I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
