So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
