Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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