found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
