Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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