I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize