normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
