I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
