you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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