marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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