I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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