i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
