How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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