i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
