listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
