I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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