the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
