can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
